It's Friday, and I haven't blogged or written much of anything for a very long time. But today seems like a good day to take stock of where I'm heading on this life journey of mine.
I start each day thinking to myself, today, I won't bite my fingernails or pick and tear at my cuticles. I'll relax and let go of all those worries that are racing around in my cluttered attic of a brain. I'll definitely deny myself the between meal snacks, the sweets, the Diet Coke. But when I head to bed at night, I beat myself up because another crazy day has consumed me and nothing that I meant to do or say or accomplish is any closer to being done. So I feel cruddy, like I failed.
But today, I'm holding my self accountable. I need to change a lot of stuff in my life. But the problem is, I want to change it all at once. And that, dear self, is an impossibility. Manage expectations--no matter what kind of expectations you have.
I'm going to clean my entire house and repair the hole in my mudroom wall, and organize my son's weekend birthday party, run the necessary family errands, cruise through Facebook, read my emails, sweep, mop, vacuum, do all the laundry, and stop world hunger. Right now. Today. Yeah, right. Under promise and over deliver. It works in the business world. It'll work in my world.
Today, I will not give in to the urge to storm the pantry and find something, anything, to feed my anxious soul. I will eat healthy. An apple or clementine or a glass of skim milk when I'm craving something. But not the bottomless box of crackers. Or the leftover chips hiding out in my son's lunchbox. I can do this. One day. One goal. Keep it simple, stupid.
If I can keep a promise to myself, to be a better me today, even just a little better, then that's success on an oh-so-grand scale. Yes, I bite my nails, and I hate it. I'm embarrassed by this disgusting, lifelong habit. And I am determined to stop it--or put on another set of acrylic nails (I'm not the best at wearing these), and give myself a break from the contact beat down.
Life is always baby steps.
Today, I will play a game with my kids. And I will steer clear of the pantry temptations. And I'm going to get off this computer, which claims more hours than I'm willing to admit. The over beeper is blaring--time to take my dogs for a walk.
It's been raining in my life. I'm taking out the umbrella and splashing in the puddles. Even on gray, cloudy days, I can count on one constant: God's love. And today, that's enough to get me moving towards a better me. Baby steps...I can do this because God tells me all things are possible through him. Now if I could just put a lock on the pantry door. :)
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