Courtesy Counts. And Kindness Matters.

I like when people hold the door for me. Young people, old people, people of every color, size and shape. I like it when we're good to each other, courteous and patient and spreading little seeds of God's goodness right in the middle of our everyday lives.

Not long ago, my husband and I were headed somewhere--where doesn't really matter. It's what we encountered along the way that literally took my breath away and sent my heart beating so fast it nearly burst out of my chest. Before I get ahead of myself, let me start with the stoplight. We were the third car back, windows down, enjoying the warmer spring temperatures. The light changed from green to red. The first car moved. The one in front of us didn't. The young white male driver and his front-seat buddy, also a white male, were staring out the window not paying attention to the light. So my husband gives a little courtesy beep. You know the kind...a quick honk that says hellooooooo.

Well, that young man was instantly enraged. He gave us the finger, starting screaming obscenities at us, and rather than turning as he'd planned, he swerved over beside us, stopping and starting, ranting and raving at my husband and me. My skin prickled with fear. Crazy people have guns. And knives. And we're just running over to Wal-Mart. We barely beeped, just a little honk, not an obnoxious blast of the horn that we've all heard before. I could feel the heat racing around my neck. "Do not engage," I kept saying to my husband. And the road-raging driver kept coming at us. It was a frightening episode that lasted no more than three minutes. Yet it left me shaken and confused. What happened to this human being? What in the world could make someone go off the deep end over what amounted to a courtesy beep.

Common courtesy. It's not so common anymore. Regardless of how many doors get slammed in my face, I am determined to stay focused on spreading goodness rather than grief, joy rather than fear, hope rather than despair. Sounds like the Prayer of Saint Francis, and one of my favorite church songs ever.

Next time you're racing into the grocery store or outlet mall, why not look behind you and wait a second. Hold the door and smile. It's that easy to make another human being feel good. And if you're already holding doors, God bless you. You're making the world a better place. :)

It's One of Those "I'm the Worst Mom" Days

Way back in December, just after Christmas, I registered my daughter, Cady, for Challenge soccer. At the same time, I signed up my son, Sean, for little league baseball. Check those two items off of my "to do" list. Back to the two thousand others things populating my daily life as mother of five.

Fast forward to last night, when my daughter's best friend called to report that the team list came out and everyone was on the list except Cady. In her place was a new girl's name. Cady comes downstairs and asks her family registrar, me, what's going on. And I quickly hop online and am horrified to find that I in fact did not register my daughter for challenge soccer, the sport she absolutely loves and has played since before kindergarten. She's not on the team with all of her friends and neighbors. She's not even on a team. I am the worst mother! How could this happen?! How could I possibly screw this up so badly!?

Registration closed February 24--Cady's birthday. And the website says NO EXCEPTIONS, big, bold and inflexible. But I tried anyway. I sent an email pleading with the registrar, asking her to place Cady back on her team. I emailed her coaches, telling them what had happened, and asking for their help. And while the coaches were okay with adding one more girl to the roster, the registrar was not. NO EXCEPTiONS. No grace. No mom-to-mom understanding that this moment of exclusion is crushing my preteen daughter. And her extremely guilt-ridden mom. I can't sleep. I'm in tears. My husband, who's barely talking to me lately, tells me to "just get over it." What kind of mom would I be if I were to "just get over it" in less than 24 hours, while Cady has three months of hearing about her "team" playing soccer without her.

I don't like hard and fast rules that don't have to be hard and fast. Grace has to play a part when it comes to kids. Practices haven't even started. The team roster came out last night, for goodness sake. This could happen, but someone with a little too much power has forgotten that joy of extending grace. Giving someone something they don't deserve or haven't earned just because.

I work with kindergartners Monday through Friday. Grace plays a big part in the classroom. Second and third and fourth chances are doled out with hugs and shoulder taps of encouragement. Can I get a little of that over here, please, Mrs. Registrar. The Worst Mom in the World needs a little grace tonight. And who in this great big universe doesn't need a little grace now and then!? Let's make that a rule: to extend grace to those around us.

Change comes from within...the question is, is it within me?

It's Friday, and I haven't blogged or written much of anything for a very long time. But today seems like a good day to take stock of where I'm heading on this life journey of mine.

I start each day thinking to myself, today, I won't bite my fingernails or pick and tear at my cuticles. I'll relax and let go of all those worries that are racing around in my cluttered attic of a brain. I'll definitely deny myself the between meal snacks, the sweets, the Diet Coke. But when I head to bed at night, I beat myself up because another crazy day has consumed me and nothing that I meant to do or say or accomplish is any closer to being done. So I feel cruddy, like I failed.

But today, I'm holding my self accountable. I need to change a lot of stuff in my life. But the problem is, I want to change it all at once. And that, dear self, is an impossibility. Manage expectations--no matter what kind of expectations you have.

I'm going to clean my entire house and repair the hole in my mudroom wall, and organize my son's weekend birthday party, run the necessary family errands, cruise through Facebook, read my emails, sweep, mop, vacuum, do all the laundry, and stop world hunger. Right now. Today. Yeah, right.  Under promise and over deliver. It works in the business world. It'll work in my world.

Today, I will not give in to the urge to storm the pantry and find something, anything, to feed my anxious soul. I will eat healthy. An apple or clementine or a glass of skim milk when I'm craving something. But not the bottomless box of crackers. Or the leftover chips hiding out in my son's lunchbox. I can do this. One day. One goal. Keep it simple, stupid.

If I can keep a promise to myself, to be a better me today, even just a little better, then that's success on an oh-so-grand scale. Yes, I bite my nails, and I hate it. I'm embarrassed by this disgusting, lifelong habit. And I am determined to stop it--or put on another set of acrylic nails (I'm not the best at wearing these), and give myself a break from the contact beat down.

Life is always baby steps.

Today, I will play a game with my kids. And I will steer clear of the pantry temptations. And I'm going to get off this computer, which claims more hours than I'm willing to admit. The over beeper is blaring--time to take my dogs for a walk.

It's been raining in my life. I'm taking out the umbrella and splashing in the puddles. Even on gray, cloudy days, I can count on one constant: God's love. And today, that's enough to get me moving towards a better me. Baby steps...I can do this because God tells me all things are possible through him. Now if I could just put a lock on the pantry door. :)